Childhood Matters
“So tell me about your childhood,” says the therapist.
“But what does that have to do with my life right now?” says the client.
“Everything,” says the therapist.
Since the advent of Freud’s psychoanalytic movement, the quintessential image of therapy is the client leaning back on a couch, eyes closed, and talking about their childhood. Through this process, they come to realize their parents are to blame for all their problems.
While the field of therapy has evolved considerably from its Freudian beginnings, Freud’s lasting legacy is an understanding that childhood experiences influence adult behavioral and emotional patterns. This concept is sometimes hard to accept. Some of us feel protective of our caregivers, teachers, coaches, etc. It’s important to know that we can hold both – a recognition of our own hurt and love for others.
Some of us recoil at the notion that our adult selves are still influenced by an “inner child.” Though our nervous systems and coping skills become more sophisticated over time, the things we’re taught when we are young inform the way we live our lives in the now.
Trauma
When we experience trauma as adults, it can shake our whole worldview and lead to us question what we once knew. When we experience trauma as a child, that trauma becomes our worldview. We lack the autonomy and sense of self to find grounding in the face of a threat to our safety.
Imagine life as a house. Adults with relatively healthy childhood experiences grow up with stable foundations. This increases the likelihood of recovery from traumatic or stressful events. For an adult with a “cracked foundation,” the process of recovery may be more difficult.
In therapy, when someone wants to address an adult trauma, we work toward healing of that trauma. (I.e. helping rewire a house’s security system after a break-in). When an adult wants to address childhood trauma though, we are not only treating the security system. We are also addressing the thoughts and feelings that are built on top of their whole foundation. If we are able to revisit our foundational wounds with the TLC (how about empathy, compassion, self-acceptance, attention to strengths that helped them survive?) they need in therapy, we can offer an opportunity to strengthen our house so that other life stressors (i.e. a house’s regular wear and tear) can be sustained without our foundation tumbling down.
When we come from supportive and nurturing homes, we are more likely to trust the world around us. But if we did not feel nurtured or safe at home, we’re more likely to view the world as bad. When we are young, our foundation is more fragile, and any damage sustained can lead to lifelong problems.
How Does Brushing Our Teeth Help Explain the Effects of Childhood Trauma?
Try to remember the first time you ever used a toothbrush as a child. Colgate says most children begin brushing their teeth at ages 3-4 after watching their caregivers model this task. According to research, at roughly 9 years old we begin to develop “childhood amnesia” and forget our early memories. While most of us have no conscious memories of the first time we brush our teeth, our body remembers this routine. Further, our body takes us through this routine as adults even though we may not be aware of it. This is how ingrained our body becomes to brushing our teeth.
In the same way that we develop an unconscious routine around brushing our teeth, even though we can’t remember when we learned how, our bodies carry patterns of behavior around childhood trauma even if our minds don’t recall what happened.
As children, we learn about the world around us through mirroring, touching, feeling, seeing, hearing, and tasting. When the world around us becomes a scary place, we respond by seeking safety.

According to Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist, when our desire to be playful and curious is disrupted during early stages of development, we may start to question our decision-making, become less creative, and more isolated. If this disruption happens frequently, our responses become habitual in the same way that brushing our teeth does. For adults with childhood trauma, these automatic responses may include shutting down emotionally or feeling threatened by our emotions. We may find ourselves withdrawing from social interaction or relationships.
How Childhood Trauma Can Show Up Later in Life
Studies have found that childhood trauma increases the likelihood of health concerns later in life – such as heart disease, mental illness, substance abuse, cancer, obesity, and more – compared to children who experienced fewer or no adverse events. Such studies support the importance of reacting to trauma in a proactive manner in the hopes of preventing its physiological effects.
Research suggests children are much more likely to develop resiliency and decrease post-traumatic symptoms if resources, like parental support and therapy, are accessed soon after a traumatic occurrence. By enabling children to experience the world as a safe and supportive place post-trauma, we increase the probability that their brains will catalog the trauma as a part of their lives and not their whole lives.
Protecting Your Child From Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma
As a parent or caregiver, your reaction to a child’s trauma can be influential in your child’s ability to heal. Below are some tips on responding to your child’s difficult emotions, behaviors, or disclosures.
- Thank your child for sharing information with you. A simple thank you can help your child to feel accepted in their disclosure and that it was the ‘good’ decision to make.
- Meet your child’s disclosure with as relaxed facial features and tone of voice as possible. A relaxed tone and facial expression can let a child know that no one is angry with them and it is not their fault.
- Validate your child’s emotions.
- Tell your child the steps you are taking to keep them safe.
- Name how you know that your child is upset to increase awareness of healthy emotional expression.
Example: “I can see you’re upset right now because your voice is shaking. I’m upset someone hurt you too.”
- Be an emotional container for your child by initiating space for expression around your child’s emotions and thoughts, whether that be through language or expressive exercises.
Example: “It’s been a few “_” since “_” happened. That was pretty scary for me. It helps me to talk about my thoughts and feelings or draw a picture of them when scary things happen. Do you think that would be helpful for us to do together?”
If the child says no, honor their response. It’s just important that they know sharing will be welcomed if they change their mind. “I respect that might not be helpful for you right now. Is there something else you need right now?”

Understand the Function of Your Child’s Behavior or Response
Irregular behaviors may occur in your child after a stressful event. It’s important to be aware that every behavior has a function in fulfilling some kind of need, even though they may appear as maladaptive at times.
- Example: Increased irritation (e.g. curt language) with others may signify an avoidance of feeling difficult emotions, whereas increased need for attention (e.g. pulling at you in public) may signify the desire to feel loved and safe at all times.
Signs Your Child May Need Professional Help
- Anger outbursts/increased irritability
- Irregular sleeping patterns; difficulty sleeping, night terrors, wetting the bed, etc.
- Avoidance of trauma-related thoughts or feelings
- Hypo/hyperarousal abnormal for your child
- Heightened startle response to loud noises, touch or surprises
- Intrusive negative thoughts or images
- Decreased ability to focus
- Heightened fear of people or places not usual to their normal response
- Increased sexualized behaviors that are outside of normal development (example: derogatory terms for genitalia, sexual fondling, etc. may be signs of sexual abuse whereas exploration of own body and peers can be part of normal development).

This list is not exhaustive of all childhood trauma symptoms. Not all children experience the symptoms listed. Some of these symptoms are normal for children depending on their developmental level.
Professional Treatments for Children
Traumatic memories are stored in the emotive parts of the brain that are difficult to access with words and rational thinking. For children, in whom words and executive functioning are not yet fully developed, trauma becomes an increasingly difficult topic to heal with verbal language. Access to non-verbal therapies like play, sandtray, art therapy, and Brainspotting are helpful in lending more “expressive vocabulary” for children to heal their emotions and regulate their body’s response to traumatic events.
Play Therapy
This modality operates under the consideration that play is a child’s language and words are their toys. Client-centered play therapy allows children to process through trauma by allowing space for the child to “play” through where the body may be stuck in a fight/flight/freeze response while in the safe and nurturing environment of a therapy office.
Example: A child who has lost a mother to a gunshot wound may use a toy ambulance to rush a mother figurine to the hospital. The first 10 times the child does not make it to the hospital and crashes the ambulance into the wall, exploding with tears and screams. The eleventh time the child makes it to the hospital and back home where the child figurine has been waiting. Mother figure and child then hug and the child smiles upon the scene she has created. Child places the mother figure on top of the house to “watch over her from heaven.”
Sandtray Therapy
This modality is often used as a supplement with talk-therapy or play therapy. By using figurines in a Sandtray, this container offers a space where individuals can create 3D imagery for their internal landscape.
Example: A person is processing an assault. The person uses fence structures to encircle a bunny figurine and places a fox figurine on the outside of the fence. They then bury the bunny with sand. The person explains the bunny is hiding from the Fox behind the wall and under the sand in order to keep safe.
Expressive Arts Therapy
The use of art, music, movement, story-telling, videos, and other similar approaches can help children and adults access their internal experience and communicate sensations felt in the body and mind. Artistic modalities can also help with externalizing experiences as being apart from the whole self.
Example: Finger painting may release tension and allow for the expression of messiness that a trauma brought upon a person’s thoughts or feelings. Another person may use a song to express their feelings too difficult to describe. One may draw a mask symbolizing the feelings they hide from themselves or others.

Brainspotting
Through bilateral stimulation (typically music or tappers are used) and fixed eye gaze, neuroscience supports that Brainspotting allows deeper access into traumatic memories stored in our brains. Brainspotting helps the brain to reorganize trauma so that the nervous system begins to recognize that it’s a past experience, not a current reality. This, in turn, can help reduce distressing traumatic symptoms.
This modality specifically focuses on the body’s somatic reaction to trauma and uncontrollable thoughts/feelings associated with trigger responses.
In adults, the therapist may use a pointer to assist clients in maintaining their eye positioning. In children, therapists may use anything creative and interesting to the child – perhaps a ‘magic’ wand or picture the child made.
Ideal for children/adolescents and adults
Read more about Brainspotting here.
Other Effective and Evidenced-Based Modalities Popular for Child Treatment
- Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
- Neurofeedback
- Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)
- Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
- Trauma-informed Yoga
If you’re curious about which treatment is right for your child, you can always contact us at info@vivpartnership.com. We’re here to support you through you and your child’s healing journey.