“Grief is a ubiquitous experience that significantly impacts mental health,” according to Viva therapist Aurena Green. “Despite being one of the hallmarks of what it means to be human, it often goes unspoken about and overlooked by society at large.”
Since the onset of the Covid-19 epidemic, headlines that urge us to prioritize mental health have increased. Statistics reflecting an increase in anxiety and depression are more readily shared and many areas of society talk about mental health with more fluidity.
It’d be remiss to call this a “brightside.” Especially in light of the losses and struggles Covid-19 brought to individuals, communities, and the world at large. However, some conversations that surround the importance of mental health feel as though they are finally happening. And they need to continue happening. They also need to expand to include many more struggles that are related to and impact mental health.
What Is Grief?
Grief is an experience that is considered universal and deeply personal. It is something that many people experience, with rates as high as 57% of people within the past 3 years of life. While grief seems to be a “great equalizer”, Western culture seems to deem conversations about grief uncomfortable and therefore they are often not initiated. This, says Aurena, perpetuates the sense of loneliness that can come from navigating deep grief.
“Grief is more of a process than an emotion,” Aurena shared. “Think of it as an umbrella under which countless emotions can exist – sadness, frustration, confusion, fear, numbness, rage, gratitude, and even joy. The expansiveness of this experience can make it even more challenging for individuals to understand and metabolize it, especially when they are in isolation with it.”
The Nuance of Grief
For those experiencing grief, the feelings can be hard to name and even more difficult to identify the origins of. It can manifest as a “strong, sometimes overwhelming feeling for people,” this resource on grief from the Mayo Clinic shares. It can also be experienced as numbness, or loss of interest in life. Its duration also ranges greatly, depending on the individual, from months to years.
“It is a myth that there is a “cap” on how long a grieving process can or should take,” says Aurena. “For some, especially those experiencing the loss of significant people or animals in their lives, the grief may simply change shape rather than come to an “end.”
Types of Grief
Loss of spouse, family member, friend, or pet, job loss, loss of a friendship, break-ups, divorces, losing a home, or receiving a health diagnosis – are common causes of grief. However, it is widely acknowledged as a complicated experience. If you are grieving and your reason isn’t listed above, your grief is still valid.
The Grief Recovery Method shares that, “grief is the result of any change in familiar behavior patterns.” With this perspective, simply being alive when Covid-19 changed the world as we knew it could be a cause for grief. Moving, becoming an empty nester, family dynamic shifts, and retiring are also potential grief-inducers.
Coping with Grief: Tools and Resources
Varying triggers, time periods, and individual, as well as community responses, can make grief seem like an elusive and untreatable struggle. The good news is that there are resources, support groups, and practices to support those who are living while grieving.
1. Accessible and free resources
These exist to support those who are grieving right where they are. A favorite of our team is Grief Deck – a fully digital, as well as physical, deck of cards with beautiful artwork and prompts. It helps individuals engage with the grieving process and learn practices to implement that honor lost loved ones and promote healing. KC Davis, author of How To Keep House While Drowning also offers practical tools on her website Struggle Care.
2. Connect with supportive people
Not everyone is comfortable talking about grief. However, there are likely people in your life who are safe to talk to about hard things. Identify them and write their names on a notecard that you keep nearby. If you need to find supportive people who are safe to talk to – The Dinner Party is a virtual and in-person community for people ages 21-45 who have experienced family or close friend loss. GriefShare also connects individuals to groups where they can talk about their grief, experience support, and understanding.
3. Practice active self-compassion
Like most mental health struggles, grief is not linear. Experiences that used to feel easy for you may be hard right now. You are not alone if your grief feels like it will never shift. Read stories about other people grieving. Seeing your struggles in other people can help to reduce shame and promote connection.
4. Seek professional support
Therapy, whether individual, group, or both, can help to provide the support, structure, and space to express what some grieving people need. This Grief Counselor Directory is one place to start.
Finding Support and Healing
Above all, be patient and let yourself feel the emotions that accompany grief – whether yours or that of a loved one. Seek out support and safety when you need to. Grief can be an isolating experience. Remember that “the most personal is the most universal.” You are not alone.
Do you need more support? Email us at info@vivapartnership.com to learn about options for therapy, as well as our virtual community offerings. Resources for overcoming Grief & Loss that have been reviewed by our team to ensure they are supportive in nature and free can be found on The Resilient Brain Project
