About the Episode
Disordered eating impacts millions of Americans, yet so many people face it in silence. If you’re struggling, you are not alone.
In this episode, Dr. Julie Lopez sits down with Christie Dondero Bettwy, Executive Director of Rock Recovery, to talk about her personal journey of disordered eating recovery and her work making treatment more accessible. Together, they explore how cultural messages about food and bodies fuel shame, why so many people feel “not sick enough” to seek help, and what it takes to begin moving toward healing.
This conversation invites you to rethink the stories you’ve been told about bodies, worth, and food, and to imagine the possibility of making peace with your body, exactly as it is today.
Episode Guest
Christie Dondero Bettwy has served for over a decade as the Executive Director for Rock Recovery, an Arlington-based nonprofit that makes mental healthcare more accessible for all and provides treatment, support, and education for those struggling with eating disorders and body image issues. Having gone through recovery herself, she understands the depth of support needed to recover and how challenging yet beautiful the journey to healing can be. Few things make her angrier than diet culture, and she is passionate about spreading the message that complete freedom from disordered eating is possible. She is an active speaker and shares her story with organizations and media outlets across the country. While a true city girl at heart, Christie now resides in the suburbs of Washington, DC, with her husband and daughter.
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Episode Transcript
Introduction: Christie Dondero Bettwy
Julie: Hi, everyone.
My name is Dr. Julie Lopez, and I’m your host for Whole by Design. On this week’s episode, we will be diving into the exciting topic of body image with Christine Dondero-Betway. And I’m going to encourage you right now to stay until the end, where she is going to share the one key component to saying goodbye to body image issues for good.
I can’t wait to welcome Christie, who is an expert in body image recovery, as well as shifting the story around disordered eating. She is the executive director of Rock Recovery, which is a DC metro area organization that focuses on low-cost and affordable resources for people who are changing their lives by recovering from struggles with body image and disordered eating.
Before we jump in, don’t forget to check out our website, www.VivaPartnership.com, for free and low-cost resources that can change your life. Thank you so much for joining us, Christie.
Christie: Thanks, Julie.
I’m so glad to be here.
Julie: It’s so awesome to have you.
So tell me a little bit about how you got into this life-changing work, and why it calls to you, and what you see going on with struggles around body image.
Christie: Yes. So this work definitely found me, I think, in a lot of different ways. So I’ve had the joy of being on staff with Rock Recovery for almost 13 years.
I was our first and only employee for a few sad, lonely years. And now we’ve since grown to a staff of seven and amazing contract therapists as well who work alongside our team. And the story for me is a personal one.
So what got me into this work was really my own story of recovery from an eating disorder. I struggled for about a decade with an eating disorder, stumbled my way into recovery in my early 20s. And after getting better, doing treatment, doing outpatient care, I ran into a woman that I had met in a support group who couldn’t afford the same treatment and therapies that I could.
And it really freaked me out. So I Googled, you know, affordable eating disorder, affordable treatment. And there was nothing but this little organization that had just been founded a few months earlier, called Rock Recovery in DC. At the time, I was living in North Carolina.
And I came up here for a wedding, met with the founder of the organization, Dr. Carolyn Larson, who’s just a dream. And I just fell in love with her vision. And I was like, Cool, I’m going to quit my job, move up here, and help.
And here we are today because this work is so impactful and so rare. And it’s the barriers to care are too real for too many people. So it’s been a joy to get to help to change that for a lot of people.
Julie: That’s such an amazing story. Just the connection to the struggle, personal and professional, and then the commitment to leave your home, to come up here because you believe so much in making this work accessible to all people. And you’ve really grown this organization for sure, right? And I’ve seen the impact.
It’s been incredible. Can you tell me a little bit about the statistics around struggles with disordered eating or body image struggles?
Christie: Yeah. And I always like to say my unofficial research at dinner parties and on airplanes kind of proves these statistics to be underreported.
But the best ones that we have are that about one in 10 Americans at some point in their lifetime will have an eating disorder. It comes out to around 28 million Americans. But that’s just a clinically diagnosable eating disorder.
So when you add in that disordered eating catch-all that encapsulates so many more struggles, I mean, the stats are just overwhelming. I think it’s so many more of us who do struggle. And then with body image, one of the things that I found to be the most compelling and heartbreaking is just how early it starts.
There are a lot of different studies that show kids as young as five are scared of being “fat” or scared of gaining weight, or on diets or starting to diet with their families as early as age eight. And just how that early body image struggle and disordered eating runs rampant well into life, turns into chronic dieting, and then can really spiral into a fully clinical diagnosable eating disorder, even further than just disordered eating. So I think a lot of us struggle with self-image.
And I was talking to someone earlier today, actually, who said, I think statistically it’s like 99% of us. I was like, yeah, probably. That’s not the statistic.
But I think if I had to make my best guess, it would be around that.
Julie: And that’s staggering. I mean, that is a huge, you know, and I understand that from my work at the DC Rape Crisis Center back in the 90s, for five years.
The statistics were based on clinical research, but they weren’t capturing all the people who don’t talk about their experiences or who live them in silence or don’t really get help. Why do you think that is? Why are you kind of planting your own kind of practice wisdom experience in this particular line of work, at 99% of people? Americans, right? What is happening?
Christie: I would say, and this was true for me as well, and I see this true for a lot of our clients at Rock Recovery, this idea of not being sick enough or it’s not so bad or something’s wrong with me, not something’s wrong with the culture or something else is kind of happening. And then the idea that, well, it’s not so bad.
It’s not so bad. So it could be worse. Coupled with, I think, the fat-phobic world that we live in.
So for a lot of people, if they don’t “look the part” of that horrible stereotype of, you know, the underweight person kind of having an eating disorder, knowing that, oh gosh, I think it’s less than 8% of people with an eating disorder who are actually underweight, right?
So like the vast majority of people with a diagnosable eating disorder are not “underweight”, according to the BMI. And yet so many of us still have that picture in our minds. So there are misconceptions, there is stigma, there are personal, I think, experiences that really cloud us from being able to represent that statistic appropriately.
Julie: Yikes. When you talk about those younger ages and it happening younger and younger, what do you attribute that to? Like, where is that coming from? I know you talked about being fat-phobic or, you know, some of the stats about its prevalence, but is that marketing and advertising? Is that taught, you know, without words, generation to generation? Where is that, you know, where is that coming from?
Christie: I mean, yes, and you know, all of the above, right? I think it’s happening from just the pressure of society, marketing, advertising, the beauty industry, the weight loss craze, all, you know, all the shifts and things we see, but we’re still back into this weight loss world and obsession with all the GLP-1s and everything else that’s happening. And so I think a lot of it is marketing, diet culture, this idea that thin is better than anything else, and that’s what healthy is.
So a lot of those misconceptions that, yeah, advertising, marketing, social media, comparison, misinformed professionals all around the world. I mean, I can think of my own experiences, even with doctors and medical professionals who knew my history of an eating disorder, and they still made these comments about weight loss or weight or BMI or whatever. And so I think a lot of it is just, it’s so ingrained.
This idea of this number is the only thing that matters when the number on the scale is not all that matters.
Julie: Yeah, interesting. So this is a big cultural phenomenon.
This is, you know, if you’re listening and you’re hearing some of these overwhelming statistics, I think one of the things I’d want to say that’s super consistent with our whole by design philosophy is: You’re not alone. If any of this is hitting as you’re listening, probably it is, and that a lot of people are struggling with this because it’s a cultural problem. It’s not just certain types of people who are being exposed to all the things.
It sounds like a perfect storm of information and data and culture, and cultural mores that feed into this idea. And you said even medical professionals were using language and communicating in a way that was triggering for someone who was struggling around getting healthy with your relationship with your body, your image, and the way that you ate.
Can you tell me a little bit more about that? Like the types of things and why it would be triggering for you?
Christie: The types of things one might say and why they might be triggering for me.
You know, it’s so interesting. And this is funny, the older I get, you know, I’m in my 40s now, and I recovered in my 20s. And sometimes I’m like, the older I get, almost the more far removed I feel from my own story, if that makes sense.
Like, and I don’t know exactly why, because I do think, you know, we have vulnerabilities, we have proclivities. I had all the genetic markers as a ballerina. There were so many good reasons why I developed an eating disorder.
I was like the perfect model for it in so many ways. And then the more I get out of kind of my early experience in recovery, all that deep, intensive work I did up front, it just doesn’t feel like a struggle anymore. And it’s just really odd, because I think, you know, a lot of times people, and I know everyone’s journey is different.
There are different privileges, there are different struggles, right? But I just think everyone’s journey is really different. And I don’t feel triggered anymore. I get frustrated, which I’m like, is that even, I’m making sure I’m not lying to you.
I’m like, this is going to be public, so I can’t lie to you. But I don’t, I don’t think I’m lying to you. I feel like it’s not that I get triggered.
It’s that I get enraged for other people. Like, it’s almost like I get protective of just these comments that people say or think that are just so wrong and so damaging to so many other people. It’s almost like I’m like the protective big sister or something, where like, I’m thinking of my friend that I ran into, you know, almost 20 years ago, that inspired me to get more involved with Rock Recovery, because she couldn’t afford treatment.
My parents paid for mine. That’s not fair. And that like pissed me off enough to go do something about it.
You know, it like gave me that good holy anger. I think that caused some good change. So I don’t know about triggering.
So I’m not going to do the question you were asking. But I think as far as comments go, you know, any comment someone makes about your body, your shape, your size, your weight, a number can just be really damaging and really could be really harmful to somebody if they have a history of an eating disorder or have some proclivities, have some sensitivities and vulnerabilities. That can certainly be a challenge, because you just don’t know what’s going on for somebody.
And we hear all the time, right? Like someone is sick and has cancer, and they lose weight, and they get complimented for it. And you’re just like, wow, are we that obsessed as a culture that like this, like someone’s sick, but all that the external world sees is this weight loss, and we just know we should praise it. Right.
Like, so I think any comments about bodies can be really triggering.
Julie: And I just want to slow you down for a second. You’re saying it could be complimentary or derogatory.
And it’s not real. And I’m going to insert a word here, objectifying. Right.
Because it’s not about the person. It’s about how they’re presenting forward. And there’s some type of judgment with that.
Is that right?
Christie: I think that’s exactly right. I actually love the word objectifying, because I think in my mind, for some reason, I think of that as like a sexualization. But I’m like, no, it is reducing a person to the object of their body.
Right. Like, I think that’s the perfect word that you just used. And yes, I think that’s what can also be really confusing for people is I meant it as a compliment.
What do you mean that was harmful? What do you mean? I shouldn’t say you look great. You’ve lost weight. That’s a positive thing to say.
And again, this diet culture, our world is so ingrained with this idea that thin is better, smaller is better. We can’t even separate bodies or dignity or what’s going on or what behaviors someone’s doing with this idea of a compliment. Like, even a compliment can be really, really damaging to somebody because it might not be a compliment.
You don’t know how they lost that weight. You don’t know what’s happening in their body. You don’t know if their body should be much heavier, if that’s a good, healthy weight for them, or not.
Right. So there are all those other variables at play.
Julie: Right.
And I think about my own cultural heritage as a Mexican American woman, our bodies are curvier by design. Right. Like, we’re not the Euro whatever, you know, and different types of people actually have a healthy place that may be different based on their cultural identity.
So that really lands. And I know you have a slogan, which I love, which we’re going to actually title this podcast, which is all bodies rock since your rock recovery. And it makes me think about that slogan when we’re talking about that, you know, everyone’s a snowflake.
It’s not all the same for every person. Right. That number, that size, that shape.
Can you tell me a little bit more about the slogan, how you came up with that, and what it means to you at Rock Recovery?
Christie: I cannot take credit for the slogan. I always joke I have very little creativity, even though I was a marketing and communications major in college. But our former clinical director, Heather Clark, came out with a slogan.
So shout out to Heather, her genius there. I know. I’m like, she was such a delight, a therapist who was this genius marketer.
I’m like, you’re a unicorn. Like, you’re not supposed to be a unicorn. Right.
Oh, yeah, she’s lovely. So she gets full credit. And it really is.
But it was such a perfect slogan when she came up with it. We’re like, yes, because this idea that all bodies are good bodies, our bodies are good just as they are, end of sentence, end of story, right? Like whole by design. We are all there is goodness in our bodies, not you think about what you hear about in the general culture.
Oh, when I lose this, when I do this, when I this, that’s when it’ll be OK. That’s when it’ll be enough. That’s when it’ll be good.
And it’s like, no, no, no, it is good right now. You are good right now. Your body rocks right now, just as it is.
And so that.
Julie: And actually, I want to share a story. We used to host this series of different areas of health that people could come to once a month through my center, through Viva.
And one of the topics was about personal organizing. It really was all areas of life. It was like wealth.
It was health. It was, you know, it was just all these areas of living. It was called the Optimal Living Series.
And she talked about organizational porn. And she showed a picture on a magazine of like this closet and the closet had like four hangers in it. And it was like beautifully organized with a super expensive, like organizational product.
But everything looked so peaceful. But it was not realistic at all. Nobody had four shirts hanging perfectly ironed in the right direction.
But it gave an aesthetic like, oh, I finally arrived. And the idea behind any type of marketing is you have to feel a deficit in order to purchase, right? When you talked about diet culture or the fat shaming or the like deficit type of communication about something being wrong, it has to be wrong for you to lift into your wallet and pay for something to make it right. And she was talking about, for her as a professional organizer, it was this deficit thinking that drove, you know, paying for this expensive closet organizer.
The same way it might drive paying for diet shakes or diet programs or clothes or surgeries, or whatever to make something right. And I hear your slogan, not all bodies rock, as the total opposite. You’re already whole.
You’re already fine. Your body was built to support you. And it’s good.
And it’s actually incredible and amazing. And I love it.
Christy: Absolutely.
That’s it. And it’s such a different place to start from that because it’s like, I think naturally we all want to say, but oh, but this is wrong or that’s wrong. Either, you know, aesthetic or mobility, or whatever the thing might be.
And it doesn’t matter because your body still rocks. No matter what the various things are.
Julie: I love it so much.
So Christie and I met, I don’t even know how many years ago, maybe 10 years ago. Together. So it’s always so great to connect with you.
And you’re not going to believe our time has flown and we are at the end of our podcast. So I’m going to ask you for the thing that you promised, which was the one key component that you see to really transforming a struggle with body image. And I think you have a personal story that relates to it.
So first, what’s the one key component?
Christie: The idea of being able to discern kind of this internal versus external locus of control for recovery. For my own body image journey, I realized so much of what I struggled with was because of what I believed about myself and my self-worth that came from all these external factors versus the truer, more internal compass and things that I valued and actually meant something for me.
Julie: So hold on. Internal versus external locus of control.
A super psychological term, which I know to mean that you derive your data from internally versus deriving it externally, right? This external locus of control means outside ratings, judgments, and influences are more important than inside feelings, experiences, et cetera.
Okay. So tell us all about that.
Christie: Yes, sure. So for me, there was this time in my recovery. So I was a couple of years into my outpatient therapy journey, and all my recovery work that I did, and you know, my body had changed.
I’d felt a little differently along the ways. And I, for a season of time, tried not to look in mirrors, which was mildly complicated to do. I like kind of mentioned the embarrassing was happening, you know, like before you can see yourself and all.
Yeah. Yes. However, I didn’t spend time, you know, critiquing or judging or like staring at myself and kind of picking things apart like I used to.
But I remember so clearly one day I was getting ready to go to work. I worked for Habitat for Humanity, North Carolina, lovely organization, lovely work. And I looked in the mirror and thought, like, I look great today.
Like, love the outfit. Hair’s looking good. And I felt really confident, which was kind of one of the first times I felt confident leaving my house in it ever, probably, honestly.
And then it was at Charlotte, not D.C. So I got in my car and drove, I think, 12 minutes to my office because it was a very quick commute. I know. Can you imagine? 12-minute commute.
Those are the days. There’s a parking lot. It was free.
It was great. And I remember getting into my little cubicle and opening my computer, and checking my email. And I did fundraising at the time.
I still do fundraising. And I always joke, for someone who does not do well with rejection, why do I raise money for a living? We’ll never know because it’s really a challenging industry. But here we are.
I’m working on it. And I opened my email, and I got a grant rejection. I got a rejection email from this grant that I had worked so hard on.
I think I spent months on it, hours. It was so excellent. And I was convinced that we were going to get it.
And it was one of those form rejection emails where it was just like, no data, no personality, no validation. Just like, yes, you’re not selected. Goodbye.
And it just hurt. And I don’t like crying in front of people. I’m not much of a crier.
I am actually more now that I’ve had my daughter. I cry all the time. But before this, I didn’t cry a lot.
And I went to the bathroom to pull it together. And I remember looking in the mirror and just thinking, I look hideous today. What’s wrong with me? Ew.
Why did I ever choose this outfit? I’m disgusting. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And I immediately just kind of gasped because my therapist at the time, her name is Melissa.
I was like, this is what Melissa’s been telling me. This body image is not about what I look like. It’s about how I feel about myself.
It’s about that input and where it’s coming from. And in this case, that external input, rejection. You’re not good enough.
Your work didn’t matter. I felt like a failure. I felt like I just didn’t feel good enough.
I felt a lot of shame in that moment. And so I did what I was used to doing is where I turned on myself. And the best way I knew how was to critique my body and just kind of go to all that and just be really negative about myself.
And I realized so quickly, gosh, this view of myself is coming from so many other places. It’s not about what I actually look like. This idea, like my body, did rock in that moment.
All bodies rock, no matter how they change over time, right? It wasn’t about what I looked like. It was about how I felt about myself and where I was putting my worth and my value.
Julie: What a powerful story to share, right? Just that morning, you had been like, yes, I have made it.
I feel good. I look good. I’m feeling free.
You got this one email, and you saw it happen live. What a powerful example of how taking the data from outside can be so crippling, and that this internal shift can really be a game-changer. And it’s a key component to really saying goodbye to body image issues forever because, of course, the stuff inside you can control.
The outside is a wild, wild west, right? You don’t know what’s going on for other people, for society, for community, for all that stuff. But you can absolutely work and change where you get your data.
Thank you so much, Christie, for being here with us today on this super powerful episode of Whole By Design.
I hope it left you all feeling inspired to toss out the labels, embrace new perspectives, and take one step closer to the joy and clarity you deserve. As always, visit www.VivaPartnership.com to access our free and low-cost resources that will empower you and your loved ones on health and healing. Let’s spread the message, subscribe, review, or share this episode with someone who could benefit from a stigma-dropping approach to mental fitness today.
Thank you again so much, Christie, for being here.
Christie: Thanks for having me. This was a joy.
