Safety Is Baseline: Tools for the LGBTQ+ Community and Allies

At Viva, we prioritize safety. At the basis of healthy therapeutic work, is a safe space where any person can show up as who they are and how they are. In honor of Pride Month, a month dedicated to recognizing and celebrating the lives, experiences, and contributions of members of the LGBTQIA+ community, I sat down with our clinician Faith Ferber. Faith specializes in working with couples – queer and heterosexual, non-monogamous couples, LGBTQIA+ and people with disabilities.

What We Are Seeing

“Right now, themes I am noticing with queer clients are fear and overwhelm,” Faith shared. So far this year, 700 anti-queer and trans laws have been proposed in 46 states. Because of the politicized and polarized nature of our current climate, “many of these clients are questioning whether their feelings are valid.”

For members of the LGBTQIA+ community, feeling scared, confused, and unsure is a natural and reasonable response.

A sense of belonging, often found through a group identity, is a central and necessary part of the human experience. This is not unique to queer individuals. Local organizations, religion, collegiate groups, sports leagues, fanship, neighborhoods, vocation-oriented groups, race, and many more commonalities can establish community and connection.

It is common to feel anxiety, fear, defensiveness, or overwhelm, when a community is being targeted, marginalized, or put at risk.

For The LGBTQ+ Community

As you navigate life in a body that sometimes feels safe and sometimes feels scared, we offer these suggestions and tools that may help you find support, grounding, and comfort.

1. Stay Connected. “You need people who you can turn to and say ‘This is so difficult,’ who can listen, understand, and validate,” Faith suggests. 
2. Try Out IF-firmations. If positive statements do not bring comfort or feel true for you, try using if-firmations. “What if I can keep myself safe? What if I am worthy of love? What if there is nothing wrong with me for being who I am?” These are a few options that Faith shared.
3. Pay attention to your body. Every person’s experience is different. How certain events, news, or experiences make you feel may be different from other people in your community or close to you. 
4. Breathe. Sometimes the best thing we can do is calm down our body in our current moment. Alternate nostril breathing and 4-7-8 breath are a few practices that may help you center and re-set.

For Allies and Family Members

As the LGBTQ+ community experiences a resurgence of legislation challenging their rights,  we offer these ways that you can support your friends, family, and loved ones:

1. Gender-affirming care saves lives. If your child or family member is LGBTQ+, healthcare that affirms and cares for them, how they are is essential.  The Trevor Project, Human Rights Campaign, and PFLAG offer helpful and connective resources.
2. Listen and validate. It can be hard to see a loved one in distress. The desire to solve or reassure that everything will be alright is natural. However, they may need a place to openly vent and express their fears that everything might not be okay. Be a safe and welcoming place for their fears, as well as their joys.
3. Make sure second parent adoption has taken place. As laws for gay and queer families may change, take the steps you can to secure family togetherness in this unsure climate.
4. Use names and pronouns. The research support that the best way to prevent LGBTQ+ suicide is by using people’s names and pronouns. It is okay to mess up while trying. Show your loved ones that you care for them and affirm their identity. This is one way to truly show your love for them.

More resources for the LGBTQ+ community and allies can be found in Identity and Discrimination via the Resilient Brain Project. Need support or want to connect a loved one to therapeutic support? Connect with us info@vivapartnership.com.